Saying goodbye to Eddie

I cannot thank you enough, mate

Today’s newsletter has nothing to do with being a YouTuber. I’m not going to talk about cameras. I’m not even going to waffle on about why I’ve given up YouTube Studio, or how one should deal with irritating trolls.

Today’s newsletter is about something far more personal, and something to which I know lots of you will be able to relate.

Yesterday was the most heartbreaking day I’ve experienced thus far. We had to say goodbye to our dog, Eddie. I’ve had him since he was a puppy and he’d have been 15 later this month. Regular viewers of my YouTube channel will have spotted him countless times during smartphone camera tests and random cute cameos. He was, without question, the star of the show.

Unfortunately, Eddie’s health and quality of life had slowly deteriorated over the last few months. We’re fairly sure his hearing had all but gone, and the irritable skin condition he’d had his entire life was becoming harder to treat. He’d pace around the house more than usual, bark when nothing was there, and, more cruelly, began to lose control of his bladder. A blood test confirmed there were problems inside that little body, but I’d already made the hardest of decisions; I didn’t want to see him get any worse. I’m just grateful that, as pet owners, we have the ultimate power to make things easier for our little mates and give them a dignified, peaceful death.

I’m completely crushed. As dog owners, we always know this day is coming, but that knowledge doesn’t make the horrible event any less horrible. Eddie’s passing was graceful and dignified and he’s finally at peace, but we all miss him terribly and I wasn’t fully prepared for how badly it would affect me. The house is horribly quiet without him.

However, I’d like to use this outlet to tell a much happier story about Eddie - one which reveals the reason he was placed on this planet - even though neither he nor I had any idea that it was his raison d'etre.

Eddie was born in May 2009. Complete with a beard and that unmistakably wiry border terrier grizzle coat, he had the immediate appearance of a knowledgeable - yet impossibly cute - old man. That front was, of course, demolished as soon as he made his way into our house and proceeded to destroy pieces of furniture, bite everyone’s ankles, and leave little ‘presents’ everywhere for his owners to find. As puppies do.

Eddie came with us everywhere. The pub, visits to family and friends, hiking, holidays, trips to the recycling centre. He was present at pretty much every event, from the mundane to the spectacular. He even regularly joined me at my place of work, when I used to have a ‘normal’ job; I’d take him to the office and he’d wander about, happy with his role as The Cute Office Dog. I even remember taking him there several times as a puppy where he caused the same amount of chaos as I described earlier. I have no idea how I got away with that.

In 2017, not long after Eddie’s eighth birthday, I entered the toughest part of my life which resulted in the end of my marriage. I fought tooth and nail to keep Eddie. My three priorities during the split were: dog, house, and business - in that order. It worked, and Eddie and I came through the other side a formidable team. It was man and pooch against the world, and he (along with my incredibly supportive family, of course) was the one constant that kept me going; I’ll never forget those long walks with him during that time, or the multiple one-way conversations we had about how awesome we were as a little team.

In 2018, I met my girlfriend, Jen, and my world completely changed, once again. Eddie and I left our home town of Northampton and moved into her place. A little over a year later, we bought a house and set up camp in Leamington Spa. Things moved quickly, but for the right reasons; this was a new, calm, wonderful life, and I’d found my soulmate.

During this time, we encountered some issues with Eddie. He became aggressive towards certain dogs and certain people. This made walks harder, and inviting people to the house a constant source of worry. I do not doubt that Eddie’s experience of the marriage breakup and the removal of someone important from his life will have been partly responsible for his behaviour change. I can’t sugarcoat this; he became a very hard dog to manage at times, and my relationship with him was often strained.

But I never stopped loving him. None of that was his fault.

In 2022, my world changed. Again. We welcomed our son, Harrison Patrick Ellis, into the world. Parents will know the feeling when this happens for the first time - it is overwhelming and life-changing in the most incredible of ways. Harrison immediately became my best mate ever, and, as I type, he is developing into the funniest, kindest little guy I have ever met. I love him to death.

We’ve always been cautious with Eddie when it comes to kids. Being a feisty little terrier at times, and with the aforementioned behavioural changes weighing heavily on our minds, we were of course concerned about how he’d deal with the sudden presence of a small human being in the house.

We needn’t have worried. From the moment Harrison entered the house, Eddie was curious but completely unfazed. He seemed calm around this little bundle of joy. He’d sniff and sit near him. If Harrison cried, he’d take note, but not get upset or agitated. More impressively, as Harrison grew and found his feet (and his hands), Eddie came into his own.

Harrison was obsessed with Eddie in the most adorable of ways. We taught him early on to respect Eddie’s space and be gentle with him. And he did just that. Most of the time. On occasion, we’d catch our son motoring, full pelt, towards Eddie with his toy vacuum cleaner. Occasionally, there’d be an impact. Eddie never reacted, snarled, or gave any indication that he was cheesed off; he’d just get up and move out of the way.

Their little friendship continued to grow. Eddie had lost his desire for fuss before Harrison was born, but he gladly (I think) accepted the slightly ham-fisted toddler attempts at head patting and fur stroking. He even dutifully obeyed when Harrison realised that he could usher him out (often rather forcibly) for toilet visits and towards the dog bowl during mealtimes.

This wasn’t the TikTok dog-child relationship where they cuddled up in bed together or ran around the house chasing one another. It was far more subtle and inherently beautiful than that. Eddie knew Harrison was special, he knew he was mine - and Harrison just absolutely adored his little buddy, even though he had no idea where the line between toy and living creature was drawn.

The most important job of Eddie’s life was entirely unexpected but it was something he was always unknowingly working towards. If my marriage had continued, we wouldn’t have had kids - it was never on the cards (Eddie was, as you might suspect, our child). Meeting Jen changed that entirely, and I can’t thank her - or the situation that led me to her - enough for bringing Harrison into the world. Eddie wasn’t expecting his arrival either, but dealt with it in a way I didn’t anticipate. His main job before going to sleep this week was to look after and be my son’s best mate. Eddie absolutely smashed that task, and I hope the dignified end I gave him will in some way repay that.

I will end this post with the last photo I took of Harrison and Eddie together. They were soulmates, and I know Eddie will always look down on and protect his little sidekick.

We love you dearly, Eddie Bobs. Thank you for looking after my son. And thank you to Jen for being my rock.

I’d also like to say a massive thank you to Emscote Vets, who made this horrible process so much more bearable - they were utterly wonderful throughout.