Burned out.

At least, I think that's what's happened...

I’ve often said during my Solo Club Friday livestreams that this weekly newsletter is an excuse for me to write a public journal about what it’s like to be a full-time content creator.

Today’s edition is definitely that.

You see, I think I’ve burned myself out. And I want to talk about it.

I confess that I’m not entirely sure what burnout is, despite hearing about it a lot in my industry. Every big creator I follow and whose strategies I continually attempt to emulate has, seemingly, burned themselves out at one time or another.

I’ve heard about it from friends, past colleagues, loved ones, and peers. But the problem is that no one can articulate what it actually feels like, or how one can even define a particular episode of exhaustion as ‘burn out’. It’s therefore with a huge pinch of salt I reveal my own burnout experience - because I may just be very tired and under the weather. Regardless, I’ve felt like utter shit for the last couple of days and I feel like moaning.

On Monday, Apple surprised us all with a Halloween-themed Mac launch event. Usually, such events fall at around 6pm, UK time. Not this one. Nope - Tim Cook decided to schedule the announcement of the M3 chip lineup and new Mac hardware at 6pm Pacific time. That made it midnight for us Brits.

That’s ok, I thought - I’m a night owl. What’s another hour on top of my usual bedtime routine? Well, quite a lot, as it turns out. You see, in an effort to stave off any weariness, I decided to host a pre-Apple-event livestream on the Mark Ellis Reviews YouTube channel. Going live with my audience at 10pm would keep me energised, I thought. It’d keep those creative juices flowing, and ensure I’d be ready to sit down and take copious notes about the Apple event two hours later.

It worked. The livestream was one of the best I’ve ever hosted and lasted a frankly unbelievable one hour, and 47 minutes. This left me with less than 15 minutes to spare before Tim Cook emerged from a plume of smoke at the Apple Park entrance to reveal his company’s latest offerings.

The Apple event was, mercifully, just thirty minutes long, which is a far cry from the blockbuster-length product launches they usually broadcast. There were far fewer announcements than everyone expected, too, which meant my notes were blissfully succinct and relatively easy to digest.

Everything sounds ok so far, doesn’t it? What am I moaning about, eh?

There are three things I didn’t take into consideration. The first is that hosting a nigh-on two-hour livestream is bloody hard work. No matter how enjoyable it is and how captive and interactive the audience is, as the host, you’re still performing. And it’s that kind of performance whose effects on your energy levels take a while to make themselves known.

Secondly, I always forget that, no matter how simple the product launch, watching Apple events as someone who covers them for a living is entirely different to someone who has a passing interest in what Tim and co. are up to. While note taking I’m also constantly thinking about the narrative behind the event and the angle I’m going to take for the blog posts and videos that will follow. Once again, this level of concentration takes it out of you - eventually.

Lastly, despite only being thirty minutes long, I neglected to take into account the time after the event which saw me hurriedly ordering the new Mac hardware that had been announced, scheduling the resulting videos, and packing up the studio before heading home. I eventually got to bed at about 1:30am (totally wired and unable to sleep, obviously).

There was another oversight on my behalf - I’d need to rise early to shoot, edit, and publish the event reaction video. This resulted in a 5:30am alarm and an incredibly intense morning of video production.

I was very tired by the time I returned home on Tuesday, but didn’t feel unwell. Wednesday was a different matter. I felt so bad upon waking that I decided to abandon my alarm and lie in for as long as my body demanded I do so - this is very unusual for me. It didn’t really help, either; by the time I stumbled out of bed and headed downstairs, I still felt utterly rotten. Regardless, I had another full day of work ahead, including shooting yet another video (my tired eyes looked so bad, that I genuinely considered wearing sunglasses during the a-roll shoot).

I’m writing this on Thursday, having had an early night the day previous and yet another ‘lie-in’ this morning. Yet, I’ve felt even worse today. Packed full of ibuprofen and paracetamol, I do feel slightly more human as I type and the day nears an end, but I am concerned about my reaction to a seemingly innocuous, one-off late-night Apple event.

Is this burnout? Or is it just a 43-year-old guy who is still a relatively new dad and who is, clearly, suffering from exhaustion and a nursery-inspired bug? I genuinely don’t know, but if everyone else calls it burnout, I’m joining them.

I started Solo Club to give people a window into the world of professional content creation. This was for two reasons. Firstly, I want Solo Club to become a profitable, thriving sub-brand of Mark Ellis Media. Secondly, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last three and half years, it’s that professional content creation is nothing like I thought it would be. It’s the best job I’ve ever had, but it’s also the most exhausting. Solo Club gives me an outlet for this while acting as a warning for anyone who wants to follow in my footsteps.

The good news is I’m making changes. I now have a team, a member of which is my right-hand man. Niall has already made a huge difference to the amount of time I’m having to invest in the business as opposed to on the business. The latter is slowly taking shape; I’m gradually obtaining the headspace required to make strategic decisions about Mark Ellis Media.

Regardless, the last few days have been a timely reminder that I’m still susceptible to overexertion. This comes from a deep love of the thing I’ve created and the fact that, no matter how many people I have helping me, I’m still the one who has to turn up and be the person on camera and behind - most of - the words. The solution for that is rather harder to find right now.

But you can bet your bottom dollar I’m thinking about it.